Fanya Gottesfeld Heller would like to believe that she survived one of the most horrific atrocities ever to speak about the hope that sustained her through the Holocaust. A Jewish girl living in Nazi-occupied Ukraine during World War II, Dr. Heller spent a part of her teenage years in hiding, not knowing which moment would be her last.

There were times she wanted to get caught and other times she wanted to live. But Dr. Heller believes that fate and love enabled her to survive the Holocaust. "I think it was fate and it was shear luck," she said.

Now, the author of the book Strange and Unexpected Love: A Teenage Girl's Holocaust Memoirs, Dr. Heller shares her experiences openly. On April 29, members of the Elmont Jewish Center, Temple Gates of Zion in Valley Stream, Tree of Life Synagogue and the Rosedale Jewish Center, joined together at the Temple Gates of Zion to remember the Holocaust. Dr. Heller was the featured speaker.

Much has changed for Holocaust survivors since World War II. Dr. Heller holds a B.A. and M.A. degree. She married and had three children, moved to the United States permanently, received a Yeshiva Doctorate, has become a grandmother, activist, scholar, historian and, of course, author. But, as she points out, she's paid a high price for living an interesting life.

The Holocaust has left an undying imprint on its survivors, changing them forever. For Dr. Heller, there are things that will never be forgotten and constant reminders of two years in hiding when she was 18 to 20 years old are experienced in everyday life. Things like a policeman in uniform, a knock at the door, the barking of a dog and a train whistle still makes her heart race. To this day, she carries a piece of bread in her purse out of fear that she may starve. Even though she wasn't sent to Auschwitz, she still has a fear of showers and will only take baths.

"I have a whole litany of scars, nothing can erase," she said.

But surviving the Holocaust has also left other effects on the 79-year-old New York City resident. The experience has made her more humane and has given her more compassion for others, more tolerance and more willing to help others, although it took time and sessions with a psychoanalyst to overcome the feeling of being abandoned by God and humanity.

Perhaps that is why she connects so well with inner city kids who, she said, know poverty, sexual abuse, discrimination and live with hate. She teaches young people that "we actually didn't learn a lot from the Holocaust. Genocide still goes on. People are still starving. There is sexual abuse and dictators putting people in categories and hating them. People are killed only because of who they are."

Dr. Heller feels that because elements of hate and discrimination still exist, it is important to talk about her experiences hiding from those who would terrorize the Jewish people and ultimately take their lives. She feels there is a lesson in her story. It is a message of hope and love. "There was goodness in times of evil," she said. "There is good in us."

"What enabled us to survive those two and a half years in hiding in the cave was some hope, which we still had. I think without hope, forget it. I'm still now an optimistic person," she said.

Dr. Heller's message is also one of survival. If she could survive the Holocaust, then many young people who have to overcome many obstacles in life can also survive. "It gives them hope. I picked myself up," she said.

Although Dr. Heller may still be scarred from the Holocaust, she has proven the resiliency of the human spirit, having once been faced with death, poverty and starvation. She earned her college degrees and has become an activist and educator.

Speaking to groups is her job, she believes, although many of the Jewish people did not want to remember the Holocaust after the war ended. "We didn't want to speak about it. We wanted to have families. We wanted to spend our energies on our education. We didn't have the leisure," she said. "As the years went, people did not want to listen to us. Even when you mentioned you survived, there was a negative response. We kept quiet."

Now, Dr. Heller said, she feels she has to talk about what happened, although she is concerned that she doesn't have the language to express the hunger and fear of death. "Sometimes I think I don't have the language to express [what happened]. How can you explain to somebody what it feels to be hungry? How do you explain to somebody how it feels to be waiting to be killed? Do I have the right message? Yet, I try," she said.

Dr. Heller tries because the message is an important one. "The most important message is we have to have a dialogue among nations and among people. We cannot be isolated. We have to be tolerant of each other and you cannot love your neighbor without loving God. You have to give as much love as you can and hate breeds hate. God forbid we leave such a legacy of hatred to our children and grandchildren," she said.

In a way, Dr. Heller would like to believe she survived so she can spread her message of hope and love to others. "I would like to think like this. I don't know. I wish I would know but sometimes I think I survived because I have some mission," she said. "I know I've touched a lot of young people in Israel and in Germany and here, everywhere."