Children Must Deal With Recent Tragedy

By Joe Rizza

Since Tuesday, Sept. 11, the public has been bombarded with scenes from the disasters at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. It is enough to make even the most optimistic person gloomy and depressed. It is obvious that the tragedy has not only affected every American, but also affected everyone, including the community's children in a different way.

There's no doubt that the attacks on the World Trade Center, being so close in proximity to Nassau County, has affected the community's children and students so that children must be given the careful consideration so that they may understand what has happened and deal with it accordingly.

Adults must remember that children also have endured this painful crisis and may need help in dealing with it. No matter how old, students must be shown that it is all right to grieve. In this time of crisis, parents and teachers must be understanding and sensitive to a child's feelings.

Pat Boyle, a social worker for Gateway Youth Outreach in Elmont, said that both children and adults are in a unique position because we haven't seen the likes of what has happened on Sept. 11.

Boyle said that, as a social worker, he would recommend that children go back to the normal routine, unless they cannot. If children want to grieve over the loss of a loved one, they must be allowed to and they shouldn't be forced to get on with their lives.

He also said it is also important to let children know that it is fine if they want to talk. "That's what we're here for," he said. Although adults are also hurting from this tragedy, they must be a source of strength for children who need to be reassured that the country will get through this disaster.

Boyle said that Gateway Youth Outreach has received calls from parents wanting to know how to handle their children in such a time. However, there is no easy answer, he said. All you can do for children is to be there for them in case they need to talk and to encourage them when they need it. "If they're afraid, that's okay," Boyle said.

He also suggests that parents just use common sense in dealing with their children. "Everybody is a human being. We're all in this together and we're going to come out of this together. If I was a child, that's what I would want to hear," he said.

According to Carmela Granata Bernacchio, director of Parent and Child Education Program, Inc. (PACE) in Mineola, a non-profit organization supporting children through parent education, it is helpful to show children that mourning is natural and important. Yet, although parents and adults may be hurting inside, they need to act as someone who will nurture and encourage their children. Children need to know that as time progresses, people will feel better and mourn less.

It is also important that children maintain a sense of normalcy. In such a time, people often feel guilty about doing something pleasurable, said Bernacchio. However, we need to see the function of soothing ourselves as part of the process we have to go through to deal with this event, she added. For children, such activities may include playing a video game, watching a favorite movie or going to the park.

North Shore Family and Guidance Center suggests that children's access to the constant media coverage should be gentle. The center believes children should be told the truth in the simplest, most straightforward way but should be reassured that they are safe.

Since the tragedy has hit so close to home, there are many students who have been directly impacted by it. Many schools in Nassau County, including Elmont, Franklin Square and West Hempstead Schools, may have students with relatives who are still missing. It is therefore imperative that students be given the opportunity to hold out hope and then if necessary, to grieve.

The North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center said that children might become frightened and unwilling to participate in their normal daily activities.

Bernacchio of PACE said that while children will not always talk about the incident at what is considered the "right time," therefore, parents and teachers need to be sensitive to how children are behaving since some may hold their feelings in.

"We should be looking for signs of distress and signs of distress are going to be any changes in their normal behavior, any aggression," Bernacchio said.

Children, however, will react differently based on their age. A 6-year-old is more apt to be depressed because 6-year-olds are going through a transitional age. "Parents have to consider the developmental stage the child is at and what the child is doing," Bernacchio said. "They might want to connect with a professional to make sure that their child's behavior really isn't out of the ordinary for that age."

Children, whether they have missing family members and friends or not, may naturally become depressed. Many educators want children to know that it is perfectly normal for students to need someone to talk to in such a time.

Boyle said that anyone having difficulty coping or in need of some counseling can call Gateway Youth Outreach at 328-1550.