Many of us, in different ways, have experienced the letting go of a loved one. For some, it was sending a child to the first day of kindergarten or day care. For others, it may have been a family wedding. A few years ago, for the McMillan family, it was taking our youngest son to start Tulane University in New Orleans. There were mixed feelings. We were glad to see him advance toward the life he would build for himself. But, we had the usual anxieties of parents letting go of an offspring in a new environment. I must say that the anxiety was more on our part, because our son was obviously glad to be on his own -- a really positive sign on reflection.

Tulane was not insensitive to our parental concerns. They actually had an exclusive session for parents during the freshman orientation entitled "Letting Go". The auditorium was full as the assistant vice president for student affairs strode to the podium. First, he said we should not feel alone. He informed us that many colleges are now giving lectures to parents on how to give their children up to the college campus. He cautioned that our freshman students would soon dismiss us and tell us we were free to go. He was right. That happened during the second day of the orientation. Ken was on his own -- some 1300 miles away from New York.

Our speaker then went on to present a seven point program for parents -- to help us do a better job of letting go. While some of his points do not apply very well to kindergarten or a wedding, they are worth repeating -- just in case you have to let go of someone soon. Here they are:

1. Never ask whether your offspring is homesick. Each one probably is -- but, don't rub it in.

2. It is all right to ask, "What is happening?" You can even ask what groups they have joined; whether they have made new friends; and even whether they are fitting in.

3. Write lots of letters. One letter might provoke a phone call -- even if your child is not short on cash.

4. Don't worry if you get a phone call filled with depression. Listen carefully -- even to the pauses. They are glad to know you can be reached and are still there.

5. Later than sooner, you should visit. Let your son or daughter show off to you the new structure of life which he or she has been creating. Try to be complimentary.

6. Never tell them -- even though you know it is true -- that, "These are the best days of your lives." The president of the college, dean or professor will handle that for you, and it is more believable.

7. Most of all -- trust them. This will be good for them and for you as well.

I cannot say this is a magical formula. But, you really do have to let go before your son or daughter can come home.

By the way, the letters did work. Ken even called home -- once in a while. And now, as an adult, he calls often.