"Look," I said, rather loudly and pointedly to my insurance and mutual fund representative. "I have been with this company for over 50 years. I have sent you a check every month, on time, for every one of those years. Now you are dunning me for payment of my homeowners and automobile insurance. I just can't believe it. I consider it entirely your fault."

"Why?" asked the representative.

"Look, I am an old geezer and I believe in the old methods. All these new-fangled ways do not always work for me. About four months ago you convinced me to get bills and statements on the Internet. I should have said "No" but I thought I would get a bill along with the Internet statement. I kept waiting for a written bill but it never came. And then the nasty dunning statements started coming, on the Internet and in the snail mail."

'I want 'Paper - Paper - Paper,' I shouted. "But sir," she countered, "Look how many times trees we are saving by not using paper. Think of the environment. The trees should be there for our children and grandchildren. Global warming is an irrefutable fact of living on this planet."

I said, "I have lived through the '50s, the '60s, the '70s, the '80s and I have welcomed in the new century of 2008. So many theories and ideas have been changed and some even disproved during those years."

"All I want is a bill that I can hold in my hand and read. I will detach a portion, put a stamp on the envelope, a check in the same envelope and mail it off to your company. Is that asking too much?"

"No sir," she replied. "As long as we receive payment on time, we will not complain."

"Thank you for understanding a person born in 1934, who has not as yet given full sway to the Internet and all of its mysteries," I pleaded.

This is one man's battle with the present.

"Paper - Paper - Paper! will make me very happy."

P.S. Email me at shgreenberg@AOL.com if you agree with me.

See - I can use my computer!