I went to a beautiful, storybook wedding recently with my gorgeous wife Lorraine. It was held in one of Long Island's fabulous matrimonial salons.

The bride was truly glamorous. She epitomized the romantic dreams of all teenaged young men sitting in their high school algebra or geometry classes. According to Lorraine, the bridal gown was a work of art. (To me, bridal gowns are all white and I truly can't see any marked difference between them.)

The catering was exquisite and every nuance -- the music, the flowers, the dining -- was perfection carried to the 10th degree.

It was an evening to remember.

My only problem was the groom!

I have known the groom since he was 3 years old.

He was a high-strung child of great energy, and he was the cause of much consternation in our quiet neighborhood. I can still hear his high-pitched scream 25 years later. It curdled my circulatory system's contents then and when I hear it in my imagination, it has the same curdling effect.

That kid could scream!

It didn't take much to evince this bellowing. Any minor teenage infraction was sufficient cause for the high soprano music that followed. I lived in fear of some jejune mishap which would turn into a screeching concert.

Prior to this wedding I hadn't seen the groom since he left for college 10 years ago.

The wedding ended with the extraordinary Viennese table and the after-dinner drinks of cordials and aperitifs.

It was now time for me to hand the groom the traditional envelope with the cute, store-bought card with the clever saying on it, which is never read.

As I approached the groom with the gift I started to perspire heavily. Would this young man and I have a fitting parting conversation or would he scream at me?

Do people mature? I wasn't sure!

I delivered the envelope and we had a lovely 15-minute conversation. I wished him a happy future with his beautiful bride. His voice was a deep basso and actually much lower in pitch than mine. I was so happy and so relieved.

As we left, Lorraine asked me about my long conversation with the groom. I answered quietly, "He didn't scream once!"