I saw the parking sign ¬ Metered Parking: 25 cents for 10 minutes. A bit pricey, I said to myself, as I shoved six quarters into the meter at 2:30 p.m., for one hour's rental of New York City's street asphalt, on 1st Ave. and 53rd St.

However, I neglected to read the sign above that sign, which stated, "No Standing 3 - 7 p.m., Mon. - Fri." A huge mistake. When I returned to the car at 3:25 p.m., there was no car.

I entered a nearby pub and asked the lady bartender, "What do I do now?" Everyone in the bar was solicitous and extremely empathetic. They had all been victims of the NYC Department of Traffic's Towing Division.

Instructions to retrieve your car:

1. The number of the impoundment area will be given to you by dialing information.

2. Don't go over there until you confirm that they have your car at the garage.

3. The pound is at 38th St. and 12th Ave. on the Hudson River, Pier #76.

4. Upon arriving, have $150 in cash, or a credit card if the ownership and registration names are exactly the same. A $15 storage fee for every day your auto is stored is also tacked on. Show a valid driver's license. Display proof of insurance (This was inane, as my insurance paper was ensconced in my missing car). Have plenty of patience and a smile on your face for the slow-moving, non-caring bureaucrats.

As the huge New York City policeman led me to my kidnapped car, after I paid the $150, I saw that I had been given another surprise. Tucked under the windshield wiper was an orange envelope with a traffic ticket, costing $55. The procedure is, the traffic ticket is placed under the wiper, and towers move in and make the car disappear. Smooth as silk!

Getting out of the pound was another 20 minutes, as the police checked and rechecked the paperwork. As I glided onto the West Side Drive, I screamed out loud, "Free at last! Free at last!"

I headed for the East Side, post haste, and eventually the safety of Long Island.

A suburbanite's car is an extremely important part of his life.

Without it, he is marooned and immobilized.

Personally, I am not going to forgive New York City so readily for ransoming my automobile.