Your children do not belong to you!

An earth-shaking statement that is a stunner. You spend all that time and energy on those adorable creatures. You worry about them constantly. You spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education, their summer camps and coming-of-age parties. They love you without restriction and you love them the exact same way. You go through many stages with them - the midnight feedings - the terrible twos - toilet training - the first day of school - the teacher conferences - selecting a college - and their marriage partners.

How can they not belong to you?

The answer is clear, but hurtful!

They enter "The World," their own world, not the parents' world. They enter through the parents but that is all. Their parents do not own them. How can "the little darlings" be ungrateful? How can they not listen and not behave exactly as their elders expect them to?

The answer, "They are not your property!"

And so, you must behave accordingly. Giving advice is wonderful as long as it does not have a barb on the end of it. Threatening and cajoling are not recommended. Holding back money and writing them out of the estate are also negative, ploys that are fraught with danger.

Behaving oneself becomes harder and harder.

They enter the world and have their own experiences. They are no longer dependent on you. At first it is hard to take and fully understand the transition. You had better get the point or you may have trouble visiting your grandchildren. A spouse enters the clouded picture with a whole set of new and strange in-laws.

They are now completely out of your control.

Can you handle it?

A new and more glorious relationship must now emerge. You may ask them for advice.

Maturity enters the picture.

The relationship becomes shoulder to shoulder.

There is relief in not making their decisions.