During my three score and almost 10 years on this lovely planet I have observed some strange and fascinating patterns of human behavior. I do not pretend to be a Charles Darwin aboard his craft, the Beagle, in the Galápagos Islands documenting natural phenomena. These are just some events which occur again and again and, in my eyes, have formed a pattern.

As soon as the male driver of an automobile alights from his vehicle he thinks it is incumbent on him to describe his journey. It is as if he were a Marco Polo returning from a trip to the Orient. Which highways he traveled, what shortcuts he took, what time he left, and what time he arrived are all included in his "log" of the journey. Even if he came from one mile away he must regurgitate the entire trip, from start to finish. Sometimes this information is interesting, but most times it is not.

Another sight that I have gleaned from watching is the clasping of one male in a belly-to-belly embrace around the back of a friend or relative. This is much in evidence on every chapter of The Sopranos. Tony embraces his henchman and business partners in a long bear hug even though, in some cases, he has murderous plans in mind for these individuals.

After the embrace there is the obligatory double clap on the back. This is done to add questionable sincerity to the gesture. All this hugging and leaning over the shoulders strikes me as insincere at best.

Looking a man in the eyes when greeting him seems much more earnest and forthright. I am also against ardent hand-squeezers. They are convinced that a painful pressing of a handshake will result in more respect and admiration from the greeter. I have had my hand mangled many times by these muscle men and I have not felt any emotion other than pain.

There you have it! Three, what I consider, silly or negative male traits. Readers, please write if you agree or disagree with these premises.

Next week - "Female Idiosyncrasies!"

(Don't you believe it! I would never touch that subject in a column or any other manner.)