I was listening at 5:30 a.m. to WCBS at 880 on the dial, when I heard this report. A new "How to Book" was being talked about and it snatched my interest. Someone was actually telling his reading audience "How to speak to the policeman when you have been pulled over, to avoid his writing the ticket." I have heard of non books, but this one takes the cake.

The author's credentials were stated. He was pulled over by the authorities 10 times and had only been ticketed twice. Those seemed to me like a rather thin license to write so important a book in these troubled times. I wondered how to fill 200 to 300 pages on so insignificant a topic. The publishing business must be in big trouble if this was indeed a worthy book to set before the American public.

However, it made me smile to think of the time I received a summons and I was almost glad to pay it. Let me relate this story and see if I should write a counter-novel:

I was dozing off at 1 a.m. about 20 or so years ago. My dental practice was put on hold for 10 days as I was flying to San Francisco the next morning at 8 a.m. When the phone rang I knew that trouble lay ahead. It was one of my favorite patients and he was suffering with an aching tooth. (Yes, even dentists have favorite patients.)

After he explained his symptoms, I knew that I would have to see him to relieve the pain. "Meet me at my Jamaica office in 40 minutes," I instructed. "I'll be there," he shouted. It was winter and I bundled up in a thick sheepskin coat and left the house. I met the suffering person at my office and it was 2:30 a.m. when I entered my car to drive home to the suburbs. I was proud that I had relieved the pain and I was full of human kindness and aglow from my accomplishment.

I drove home on the Grand Central Parkway. At the overhead highway near Creedmore Hospital the flashing lights of a police cruiser told me I should pull over.

Out of the police car came a 6'3", mustachioed, jack-booted authority figure. He was awesome. I was livid. I had performed a good, humanitarian deed and now I was facing the law.

"What did I do?" I questioned loudly and caustically. (I hadn't read a book on how to speak to the policeman.) "You were doing 60 mph in a 50 mph zone," he snapped back.

"It's 2:30 a.m. and there are no cars on the highway," I answered back.

"Stand over there against the fence, while I write the ticket. Also, I'm giving you another ticket for a broken taillight." he said gleefully.

I was freezing and boiling mad, as I stood against the railing seeing all the lights of Queens south of the highway.

He re-entered his car with my license, etc. and reached above the wheel and took his glasses from behind the visor. He started to write as I approached his car.

"Did you just put your glasses on to write? I questioned," and do you need lenses according to your license?

"Yeah," he said, a bit sheepishly.

"How could you see what I did without your glasses?" I asked. Officer, I will see you in court and we will let the judge decide about your eyesight."

With that remark I strode back to the fence, folded my arms, crossed my legs and waited. Out came the "hulk" and his whole tone and body language was softened.

"I was only doing my duty," he pleaded. "I won't give you a ticket for the broken taillight." The reversal of his manner, from belligerent to soft, caught me by surprise. I kind of felt sorry for him.

I accepted the ticket for speeding and did not make a court case out of it. I still chuckle about it from time to time. I wonder what the author of this novel "How to Book", would classify my incident with the authorities. Under what chapter would he place this incident?

To be continued ...