We reported last month that after the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, the phones at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center never stopped ringing. Over 500 calls within only weeks after the incident came into our agency. They were largely from schools and parents asking us to please hurry to see a child that might be someone who could potentially cause big trouble.

Of course, these children didn't all turn out to fit the portrait of a potential shooter. Thank God for that. But many were physically hostile to other kids. They threw extreme temper tantrums, lied constantly, and generally were good at causing themselves and others a lot of pain. The professional term for their behavior is defiant-oppositional.

In a new group of children referred to us were lots of little kids, not only teenagers. "Why was that happening?" we asked. Was there unnecessary panic on the part of adults? We don't think so. The media covering the Littleton incident had alerted us that there may be telltale signs pointing to future violence in the behavior of young children (especially in boys). These warnings were being taken seriously by the residents of Long Island's suburbs, as they should be.

This country has gone through a national seminar on the subject of youthful violence. The influence of guns, entertainment, parental detachment, large and impersonal schools, exclusive cliques that shut teenagers out, and the isolation of the suburbs are all being discussed with much spirit and even some light. Even so, the one group that was most crucial to the picture had not been heard from enough. So we constructed a group of a dozen very diverse Long Island high schoolers, called in WPIX, Channel 11 to record the proceedings for a possible future broadcast, added a half dozen adult participants and utilized a highly trained group facilitator to conduct the proceedings. Did we learn anything new? Not totally - but the intensity and passion with which certain subjects came up were eye openers. You couldn't escape having a unique learning experience hearing such articulate and bright young people. The Littleton, Colorado incident affected them very deeply. Their response to it was in no way less intelligent than what adults were saying. Their spirited 1 1/2 hour conversation had an authenticity that could not be denied and a plea to be heard that should make us sit up and listen.

Here, in a nutshell, is what they said:

1. We know that schools have to take greater safety measures but, why do they do it so insensitively that we are made to feel like criminals?

2. Don't look at me and judge me without knowing me. The various places I wear rings shouldn't make me suspect.

3. I may sometimes behave like I want to distance myself from my parents and other caring adults, but don't believe me. Above all I want to be connected to them.

4. Listen to me. I am a serious person and want you to relate to me as if I am capable and unique.

They summed up their feelings this way: Sure I want to be safe, but everything the adult world seems to be doing in that regard is only making me anxious.

Talking to teenagers over an extended time rather than depending on media sound bites for our information on their behavior is instructive. Why have our methods of communication become so fragmented, so hurried, and so lacking of reciprocal empathy? It is possible, as we did, to construct groups that will enlighten us and also satisfy the participants intellectually and emotionally.

Running a mental health agency means that I do come in contact with many cases of troubled behavior that you could call pathology. We need to do everything we can to intervene early and treat those who have serious symptoms of emotional illness. But the majority of our young people are not sick. They do live in a society that has many symptoms that need treatment. The best place to start may be to listen better to the players. They may not know the answers, but they can always tell you all you need to know about the problems. If we're not hearing them, it may be our own fault.

There was a time not too long ago when we had a settlement house movement that reached millions of young people who were recent immigrants. Then we had a thriving recreation movement that took care of millions more. Additional millions were in Y's and Boy Scout and Girl Scout troops. Millions more were in religiously based youth movements.

A recent Carnegie Corporation report on adolescents shows that organized groups for teens which are supervised by trained adults are now at an all-time low. There are complicated reasons for this which needs more discussion. Next month I hope to use this column to suggest some ways we can get back on the track.