ONLINE EDITION FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 21, 2001

News

At each of the schools in the Mineola School District, as the clocks strike noon, a moment of silence is observed to all of those who perished in the recent attack on the United States. It is obvious that the tragedy has not only affected every American, but also affected everyone, including the community's children in a different way.

There's no doubt that the attacks on the World Trade Center, being some 30 miles from Mineola, has affected the community's children and students so that children must be given the careful consideration so that they may understand what has happened and deal with it accordingly.

Since last Tuesday, Americans have been bombarded with images of death and destruction. It's enough to make even the most optimistic of all people feel depressed and helpless. Adults must remember that children also have endured this painful crisis and may need help in dealing with it. No matter how old, students must be shown that it is all right to grieve. In this time of crisis, parents and teachers must be understanding and sensitive to a child's feelings.

Superintendent of Schools for the Mineola School District Dr. Lorenzo Licopoli says that parents and educators have to pay attention to the needs of the children. "We have to take the lead," he said. "Listening to kids is very important. Being extremely honest with them is very important. As we go through the grieving process, it's going to affect each child, parent, and staff member in a different way."

According to Mineola Youth and Family Services, how parents deal with their children depends on the age of the child. Young children may not be able to comprehend the magnitude of the tragedy. However, parents need to listen to their children regardless of their age while not sharing the fears and anxieties that adults may have. Even more important than what parents say is how they act. This tragedy has most likely shaken even the most secure parent. However, parents need to make young children feel safe.

Last week, Dr. Licopoli said the Mineola School District was in the process of developing a district-wide protocol for dealing with the disaster, which each school could modify based on the needs of its children. The protocol may include modifying the amount of homework students are getting, since they may be distracted at home. The school district can also implement workshops for parents and faculty members to help students deal with the tragedy.

The superintendent admits that the schools have never experienced a situation like this before. However, he encourages parents, faculty members and administrators to stay in close contact so that the needs of the children can be tended to. "We have to be really sensitive about how we are going to be responsive to this over time," he said.

According to Carmela Granata Bernacchio, director of Parent and Child Education Program, Inc. (PACE), a non-profit organization supporting children through parent education, it is helpful to show children that mourning is natural and important. Yet, although parents and adults may be hurting inside, they need to act as someone who will nurture and encourage their children. Children need to know that as time progresses, people will feel better and mourn less.

It is also important that children maintain a sense of normalcy. In such a time, people often feel guilty about doing something pleasurable, said Bernacchio. However, we need to see the function of soothing ourselves as part of the process we have to go through to deal with this event, she added. For children, such activities may include playing a video game, watching a favorite movie or going to the park.

North Shore Family and Guidance Center suggests that children's access to the constant media coverage should be gentle. The center believes children should be told the truth in the simplest, most straightforward way but should be reassured that they are safe.

Since the tragedy has hit so close to home, there are many students who have been directly impacted by it. Many schools in Nassau County, including Mineola, have students with relatives who are still missing. It is therefore imperative that students be given the opportunity to hold out hope and then if necessary to grieve.

The North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center said that children might become frightened and unwilling to participate in their normal daily activities.

Bernacchio of PACE said that while children will not always talk about the incident at what is considered the "right time," therefore, parents and teachers need to be sensitive to how children are behaving since some may hold their feelings in.

"We should be looking for signs of distress and signs of distress are going to be any changes in their normal behavior, any aggression," Bernacchio said.

Children, however, will react differently based on their age. A 6-year-old is more apt to be depressed because 6-year-olds are going through a transitional age. "Parents have to consider the developmental stage the child is at and what the child is doing," Bernacchio said. "They might want to connect with a professional to make sure that their child's behavior really isn't out of the ordinary for that age."

Children, whether they have missing family members and friends or not, may naturally become depressed. Many educators want children to know that it is perfectly normal for students to need someone to talk to in such as time. In a poem read by Dr. Licopoli at Thursday's Mineola Board of Education meeting, a sixth grade Mineola student wrote, "If you feel you have to cry or maybe scream and shout, feel free to do so, just let it out."

Because of the magnitude of the tragedy, students of all ages, from elementary to high school, have been affected. Students of Chaminade High School in Mineola have also experienced loss as a result of the tragedy as 35 members of students' families were still missing as of Thursday.

Chaminade's President Father James Williams said students in the school have been in contact with some of the school's counselors and have begun to move forward. Fr. Williams suggests that students should talk about what is bothering them and also turn to prayer.

"The advantage of being a school based on religion is that we normally turn to God. It's a fabric of what we do. It's a natural response to go and pray. Our chapel has been packed each day before lunch and also after school," he said.

At the Corpus Christi School, Assistant Director of Mineola Youth and Family Services Ed Paley spoke to sixth, seventh and eighth grade students last week. He suggested to the students that one way in which to regain control of their lives is to turn off the television. "If you stay in front of the TV, I think it will traumatize people more," he said.

Paley said that the children he spoke to have experienced the same emotions as adults - sadness, anger and fear. However, he tried to reassure them that they are safe against possible future terrorists attacks because of increased precautions now being taken in the country.

The best way to feel empowered in this ordeal where many feel helpless is to take action. Paley suggested to the students that they should possibly offer their condolences to the firemen and policemen who died in a rescue effort. He also suggests attending prayer services or making a donation.

However, the most important measure is for children to resume their normal activities - going to school, doing their homework, and playing outside, no matter how difficult it may seem. "It's important that you resume your normal activities and not live in fear," Paley said. "It doesn't mean you're not sad or angry or hurting if you go to a movie or go out and play ball or take a walk. It doesn't mean that you're not feeling for the people who have lost their lives in this terrible tragedy ... It's important to laugh and smile again. This is a terrible tragedy and will take us time to recover, but life must go on because we cannot give in to the terrorists."