There's a war happening on the home front, too. It's coming into living rooms, kitchens and bedrooms all over our community and the constant barrage of war talk and graphic war images can have dramatic impacts on some children.

Parents and teachers have to be alert to changes in behavior, expressed or unexpressed fears and questions that need to be answered. How children react will vary widely, depending on age, family circumstances and the personalities of the individual children.

Lots of us turn on the television as soon as we get home and it is almost like wallpaper in the background. But young eyes are watching. Particularly for younger children, the graphic war images broadcast almost directly from the battlefield can be very upsetting. Even older children may be disturbed by these images. It's a good idea to monitor what children are watching about the war and to be ready and willing to answer questions as they come up.

Some parents are worried that if they answer questions improperly they could make things worse. That's seldom the case. Don't worry, as in most things in life, there is no one answer that will make everything okay. What's most important is that a person they trust and love is willing to take time to listen to them, understand their worries and reassure them at a level that's appropriate for their age.

War can be scary and talking about war can be scary, too. Let your child know that it's okay to be upset and scared and help them to feel safe and secure. Not allowing children to be upset often means they internalize their fears and are left to deal with them on their own.

Remember, for many adults the war in Iraq is just one of many that they have experienced. But for many children it is a first time event, with all the anxiety and fear that such events provoke.

Many teachers will be discussing the war in the classroom as a way of helping their students understand what is happening. Deep feelings sometimes come out in class but that is more likely to happen at home.

Just as in discussing subjects like sex, the key is to frame answers that are appropriate for their age. Pre-schoolers worried that somebody appears to die again and again on television need a different response than adolescents who may be worried about friends in the service or are simply more confused than usual for teenagers.

For a good explanation of how violence affects children, what to look for and some solid and detailed advice on how to cope with it, check out the website of the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence at the Yale Child Study Center. The Internet address is www.nccev.org.

The most important thing is to remain as calm and reassuring as possible and not to ignore signs that a child may be having problems. If you are in doubt about what to do, talk with your child's teacher. Help is available for your child.

Laura Pokorny

President, Plainedge Federation of Teachers