Those of us who make our living in the New York financial community have all thought about the what ifs. Being in the World Trade Center was common. Breakfast, lunch or dinner meetings at Windows, negotiations in the offices on the higher floors, walking on the bridge to the World Financial Center was how and where we spent our time. Had those planes hit the Towers on a different day or at a different time, "It would have been me" is something I've heard over and over again.

The men I know who died were so much like all of us. They were well educated, skilled professionals, and fathers who spent weeknights helping with homework, talking with their wives and sitting on the Manhasset fields encouraging their sons and daughters. I wish I knew them better.

Since Sept. 11, it has been frustrating trying to figure out how to respond. We participated in important symbolic gestures such as candlelit vigils, flying flags and wearing hats supporting the rescue workers. But until the formation of the Manhasset Friends and Neighbors Trust, we have not had a chance to respond as a community. I am grateful that my wife, Amy Barrett, is one of the three organizers of this effort.

"Had it been me," I would want my wife to feel the embrace of the people in the community where we chose to live and raise our five children. Even though the names and number of donors will be kept confidential, the recipients will know if our community's response was strong or weak. I cannot imagine how people can feel a part of this community and not meaningfully contribute to the friends and neighbors who really do need this help.

I do not wonder about the recipients' need. I know the need is real but I think more about my own need. The need to give and keep faith with the men who were in the buildings we've worked in but were fortunate enough not to be in on that fateful morning. I give because I was not there and I want to show my support for the members of this community whose husbands and fathers were.

Bob Gold