The rites of spring are upon us and everything is blossoming. We all feel the need to throw off the dark ages of winter. Just this morning a new flower appeared on my front lawn. It was two large white plastic bags chock full of empty beer cans and bottles. A lovely memento of a party whose hosts were afraid to leave evidence where their parents might find it.

Last week the Manhasset Press reported on a teenage party in which the host, 17, had to call the police to revive a 16-year-old from a drunken stupor. The parents of the 17-year-old were out of the country. The parents of the 16-year-old didn't know the circumstances of where he/she had gone after the junior prom.

Parents are abdicating their responsibility to provide moral and social guidance to their children. Not me, you say? Most parents say that, but it is more prevalent now than it used to be. After all, the party that ended on my Munsey Park lawn came from right here, including the Plandomes, the Strathmores, and Flower Hill.

Two employee families leave little time to raise the kids. Just to propagate them and drop them off at the nursery is not enough. To give them a new car, a boat, fine clothes, and a fat allowance, without the constant supervision and guidance needed to learn how to use them is counterproductive.

Children of all ages need the experience of adults to learn how to live within moral and social standards. They want to learn. They want to hear you say "no" and to argue the boundaries; for they can't know where the boundaries are by osmosis. It is extremely difficult to start saying "no" when they are aged 14 and beginning to feel their oats, especially when you've been giving lackadaisical or no signals since the "terrible twos."

Unfortunately, many (more than 50 percent?) of today's parents defend their right to allow their children to be completely unsupervised. It's too late when the child becomes a statistic, or ends up in juvenile court or the hospital. It's never too late to start a new leaf now. It's much easier to start when the child is 2, or younger, and keep at it constantly through college. The odds of being able to communicate are much better. Kids can out-shout, but they can't out-reason. You need the stamina to hold your own.

There is help through such things (not media) as the local parent groups such as "Tough Love" youth activities such as "Young Life;" schools requiring high standards and firm discipline from the very start, backed up by parents; and, of course, the local churches offering not only faith, but tried and true family values.

The most important first step is to admit that "the problem is me and I need to fix it." The second step is to open the doors to your children's rooms and private lives by becoming that father and mother figure they are looking for. You know how you can improve on what your mother and father did for you. It isn't a bigger allowance. And thank you for the flowers.

Paul Early