The American Safari Force

By Bernard Klainberg

Several decades ago, our friend Peter, now a gentleman farmer in Cheshire, worked for a while in Kenya.

The sun was beginning to set on the British Empire, but many Englishmen still toiled at the business of colonialism by managing and administering part of the large African continent. They had to traverse vast areas of land comprising plains, dense jungles, rocky terrains, rivers and streams, and of course the ubiquitous mud holes.

This troublesome task was made possible by an exceptional vehicle, the Land Rover, which sped through most obstacles and performed as a fine refuge against attacks by wild beasts. The Rover was a proud British product serving the Empire's outposts.

Peter's Rover

It was no surprise that at the end of his employment in Kenya, Peter decided to have his scratched and dented Rover shipped to the U. K. I first rode the battered van during one of my visits when the mileage gauge showed more then 250,000 miles.

Sitting on the left front seat as we drove on highway M1, he regaled me with many anecdotes involving this useful truck/van. He kept the Rover a few more years, there being no major obstructions or road hazards in that area of gentle rolling hills and paved routes.

Safari Country

If the Rover was made for expeditions and forays into unpaved jungle country and it made it possible to ford streams and creeks and it made a good fortress from lunging lions and elephants, why is it now found throughout America in company with its brethren, the Pathfinder, the Explorer and so on?

You must have heard by now all about these "utility vehicles, van/trucks, 4-wheel drives, ABS, etc." They now account for more than 51 percent of automobile sales. If you look into our town's parking lots, you will see that every third vehicle is one of these reinforced behemoths.

Killer Vans

You know by now who is the winner in a collision between a sedan and a utility vehicle and who gets mostly killed or maimed. In addition to the mayhem they are causing, they spew out a great deal of pollutants due to not being classified as automobiles. They also get only about 12 to 15 miles to the gallon while normal autos are striving for 25 to 30 mpg.

The auto insurance industry is about to raise its rates for utility vehicles. Auto dealers and manufacturers are making above average profits, keeping their retail profits high. Even Mercedes Benz has introduced its version of the Jeep/Rover type of conveyance. Why are they selling like hotcakes?

Blue Hair

Steely-eyed old ladies with blue hair are standing at intersections, waiting for the light to change so they can surge ahead. Unafraid of the smaller, fragile sedans, they peek out from under their steering wheels, gripping them tightly emulating racing drivers.

I guess part of the reason for the popularity is that it is the "in" thing to have, like the "Tickle Me Elmo" fad, or the "Beanie Babies" or the Hula Hoop.

The other reason is the feeling of adventure, of impending danger that only a bouncing above the crowd, military chariot type vehicle can cause. Some drivers honestly admit they want to have offensive superiority on the road, much like having more missiles than the enemy.

Others will tell you their great worries about snow and ice as they travel the one mile to their supermarkets, and the definite safety of a 4-wheel drive.

Years ago I yearned for a bouncing, jiggling, open-to-the-sky Army Jeep, such as one our compatriot Cy used to drive around town.

Nowadays, a comfortable station wagon is more my speed, but I can understand the spirit of adventure some utility van owners feel as they step on the milk crate that will allow them to reach the running board, from which, with good luck, they will swing onto the higher reaches of the van driver's seat. And I also wish them at least three days each winter where their 4-wheel drive will extricate them from snow mounds or wet leaves.