Written by Karen Gellender Friday, 05 October 2012 00:00
Now that I’m an honest woman, as they say, people have started to ask about whether or not my husband and I are planning to have a baby soon. I don’t know the answer to that myself. Sure, I want a baby—babies are so adorable that I turn to mush every time I see anything that looks even remotely like a baby. I coo whenever they show a baby during a commercial, even though I know they’re just trying to sell me overpriced soap.
However, am I ready? First, there are financial concerns. I feel like I should wait until I have money safely invested in a house before I take on the responsibility of caring for another person. At the very least, I don’t think I could safely carry a baby up and down the steps to our two-floor walk-up, so if I had a baby in my current apartment, I would never be able to go outside.
But look at the situation from a biological perspective, and suddenly it’s very different: I’m 30. In a few years, people are going to start making those loathsome “your biological clock is ticking” comments. Apparently once I hit 35, the risk of birth defects goes up, and will continue to rise. If I plan on having a baby at any point, is it irresponsible to put it off, when I’m more likely to give birth to a perfectly healthy baby now?
There’s also the question of whether or not I’m ready emotionally. Becoming a mother means putting a child’s needs above my own constantly, and I don’t know if I’m prepared. Have I gotten enough of my selfish, 20-something dreams out of my system that I’m prepared to spend my time changing diapers? Or is that kind of selflessness something you only truly understand once you have a child, so I’ll never feel ready until it happens?
Pregnancy itself presents many areas of concern. My food cravings can already get pretty out of control; how bad will it be when I’m eating for two? I can just see the headline: “Pregnant Woman Devours Half of Downtown Mineola; claims beige buildings ‘looked like vanilla cake.’” I also frequently enjoy a type of prepackaged snack that my husband tells me rates somewhere between corrugated cardboard and mud on a normal person’s palatability scale; is it fair to inflict that on a defenseless fetus?
Plus, my understanding is that our scientific knowledge of prenatal nutrition is spotty at best. If my child isn’t a genius, will it be because I ate too much pizza during the pregnancy and not enough kale? Come to think of it, even if I’m obsessed with getting my developing fetus vitamins, there’s no right way to do it. I could take supplements, however they say you may absorb vitamins better from actual food. However, if I eat tons of vegetables and fish (for those healthy Omega-3s, of course), I’ll be exposing my child to pesticides and mercury, which could lead to birth defects. Will my every idle snack become a crime against the unborn?
Of course, there’s also the sad fact that not all pregnancies are successful; it’s possible I could have a miscarriage. Considering that I’m the kind of person who bawls uncontrollably at even moderately sad movies, will I be able to handle that kind of emotional blow?
Speaking of which, what if I pass on my emotional volatility to my child? I suppose my son or daughter could inherit my creativity and none of my psychological issues, but what if it’s the opposite? That hardly seems fair.
Or, what if my child has developmental disabilities? I would like to think that I could offer all the support any child of mine would require, but I don’t have any way of knowing that. On some level, rightly or wrongly, I think I expect my son or daughter to be academically inclined like its mother. If my child didn’t appear to be bright, would I come to resent them for it—and could I live with myself if I did?
Finally, even if by some miracle my child is biologically perfect and inherits only my virtues, how will we raise it? My husband and I were raised differently; we’re bound to have some conflicting ideas in regard to childrearing. It could be the source of a lot of marital strife in an otherwise peaceful relationship. Is it fair to a subject a child to parents who fight not necessarily because of them, but primarily over them?
Some people seem to believe that women aren’t qualified to make their own reproductive decisions. I’m willing to go one step further: absolutely no one is qualified to make this kind of decision. And yet, here we are.
Karen Gellender is editor of the Syosset-Jericho Tribune and Plainview-Old Bethpage Herald.
Last Updated (Monday, 29 November 1999 19:00) Thursday, 24 July 2014 00:00
The Sewanhaka Central High School District renewed Superintendent Dr. Ralph Ferrie’s contract for the next five years at a recent board meeting. Ferrie will receive no pay increase in 2014-15 at a $238,000 salary. The contract expires on June 30, 2019.
“You can’t get [work] done without a unanimous board,” Ferrie said. “This board took a leap of faith with the program plans for the district. We also have an excellent team [of administrators]. That’s an awesome team.”
Last Updated (Monday, 29 November 1999 19:00) Wednesday, 23 July 2014 00:00
New Hyde Park resident Tom Madera, of 7th Avenue, doesn’t want another car crashing into his house and hopes a Nassau County plan to install traffic calming features along Covert Avenue will prevent another incident.
“Anything would help, even if it makes noise like rubber strips along the road,” he said. “I can assure that it doesn’t make as much noise as a screeching Cadillac which has decided to reorganize the front of your house. That happened two years ago.”
The project would run down Covert Avenue from Jericho Turnpike in New Hyde Park, south to Hempstead Turnpike in Elmont. The project could cost more than $250,000, according to Aryeh Lemberger, unit head for Nassau County traffic engineers. He expects the plan would begin in 2015.
Thursday, 24 July 2014 00:00
The Sewanhaka Indians’ very talented lacrosse defenseman, Tyler Regnier, will be playing next season for the Division 1 Rutgers University Scarlet Knights.
Regnier started playing lacrosse as a third grader, when he played with the New Hyde Park Police Activity League, a youth lacrosse program.
“At first, I wasn’t too serious,” he said recently. “But I just stuck with it, a lot of training, a lot of travel and a lot of practice made it happen.”
Thursday, 17 July 2014 00:00
Students at Charles Water Karate & Fitness in Williston Park received belt promotions after completing a series of extensive exams.
From New Hyde Park: Jonah Khorrami to brown belt, Isabella Castelli to purple belt.
From Mineola: Alexandra Santos and Kayla Toal to, Kayla Toal yellow belt, Jason DeJesus to Yellow/White Belt.
From Williston Park: Mario Lombardo to red belt, Daniel Melore to blue belt, Grayson Lee to yellow/white belt.
From Garden City: Alexandra Delgais: to brown belt, Jake Delgais to yellow/white belt.
From Roslyn Heights: Suhani Jain to red belt.
From Uniondale: Isiah McClean to yellow/white belt.