Imagine being awakened in the middle of the night with a stranger on the phone threatening to come to your home to kill you. This actually happened to Michael Balboni's uncle, a retired banker, who later discovered that his identity had been stolen. The identity thief had ripped off another man for thousands of dollars and this second man was now seeking revenge.

The combination of a personal brush with a new form of lawlessness and the vulnerability he feels as a father of three with a freshly minted teenager has made our former state senator even more determined to help equip others to enjoy the benefits of computer technology and the Internet while protecting our families, especially our kids, from its dark side.

This past fall when North High PTA co-presidents, Monique Bloom and Freddi Kadden decided to "go to the top" to get an expert to speak to parents and students about cyber safety, they did not realize just how high their reach was when they asked for help from then senator, Michael Balboni. As we well know, in the intervening months, he was tapped by the new governor, Eliot Spitzer, to take on the high-pressured position as New York's Deputy Secretary for Public Safety.

In spite of a staggering schedule, Secretary Balboni attended the meeting last Thursday evening to introduce the main speaker, William Pelgrin, an internationally recognized expert in cyber security and New York State's Director of the Office of Cyber Security and Critical Infrastructure Coordination. Or as Secretary Balboni puts it, "our top geek, but a geek who gets it." He introduced William Pelgrin, who as billed, spoke in plain English, but quickly had his audience riveted with his true-to-life examples of the perils of slack cyber security coupled with naivety.

Mr. Pelgrin started with a familiar area of safety by asking how many parents have warned their children about getting into a car with a stranger. Naturally, all hands shot up. Then he showed a film clip of an experiment done at Princeton University where college kids were asked by a "harmless looking" man to get into his van. He used various ploys, such as telling them he was filming a commercial, or while wearing an arm sling, asked them to load a large box into the back of the van. (This last lure was the one used by serial killer Ted Bundy.) Most of the students complied.

The scene shifted to John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. Would these college students, who are focusing on careers in criminology, be more savvy than their Princeton peers? This time they were offered money to get in the van and give the stranger directions to another part of the city. Again, most complied even though when questioned afterwards, many said they felt uneasy to be riding off with a stranger.

One even agreed to allow his wrists to be bound by duct tape for a "reality show."

At this point, Mr. Pelgin had a rapt audience. He went on to cite other statistics that were startling. In 2002, people were offered a cheap pen in return for their computer password. Sixty-five percent took the bait. In the ensuing years, with more publicity about cyber security, an astonishing two-thirds of the people asked gave up their passwords for a Starbucks coffee. Mr. Pelgin exclaimed, "Folks, that's like giving up the keys to your house!"

He reminded the parents that teens particularly feel invulnerable and that children may trustingly give up important, identifying information on the computer. He said, "Just as parents need to talk with their children about sex and drugs, so do they need to have conversations about Internet safety and responsibility. You wouldn't give a 5 year old keys to your car, but many are in the driver's seat at the family computer."

Sexual predators have found the Internet to be a boon; one in every five youngsters online report having been approached by a predator. Predators take full advantage of communication gaps that naturally occur as teens try to exert their individuality and independence from their parents. Often, they initially come on as "understanding" and "supportive" in order to gain a young person's confidence. It comes as no surprise to learn that the more stormy the relationship between teen and parent, the more vulnerable the young person is to the advances of a predator. Twenty percent of kids questioned admitted that they had met in person with someone they had met online.

MySpace, Friendster, Xanga and other social networking websites have become extremely popular with young people and oftentimes, they are giving away very personal and sometimes damaging information. Colleges and employers are looking at these sites and already there are reports of college applicants denied admission and job applicants denied jobs because of information gleaned from these sites.

According to Mr. Pelgrin, hacking into computer systems and releasing worms and viruses, no longer requires specialized knowledge. There are plenty of sites online that instruct would-be hackers how to ply their damage, how to invade and spy on your computer and all information contained within. Since 2005, there have been 100,000,000 reported cases of security breaches online. More and more identity thieves are stealing social security numbers of children because most of them do not use the number until later in life. He recounted the story of one young person who applied for a credit card only to discover that his credit had been damaged because his social security number had been stolen.

Another disturbing trend on the Internet, as it affects our children, is cyber bullying. School districts are increasingly taking on this issue, but again, it is important to talk with your children about this problem and to encourage them to come to you if they are subjected to bullying and harassment.

Mr. Pelgrin urges everyone to be vigilant, every day. Monitor the amount of time your child is on the computer; just like TV, it needs to have limits.

He walked the thin line between alerting, informing and empowering his audience and just plain scaring the stuffing out of them. When it comes to navigating the Internet, he said, all of us need to make smart choices and wise up by becoming better educated and acknowledging that we are not exempt from online fraud, theft and sexual predators.

Some quick tips:

Establish rules and discuss them with your kids:

For example, do not give out personal information such as name, address, phone number, etc.

Do not meet anyone in person whom you have met online without permission.

Parents should learn the online lingo or shorthand that your kids use when they are emailing or instant messaging. Go to www.webopedia.com

Place the computer in a central location at home.

Install anti-virus, firewall and anti-spyware protection and keep it updated.

Use hard to guess passwords. For example, use the first letters of words in the lyric of a song...can you guess, oscysbtdel* Mix in a few numbers too.

Explore the filters and parental control software that is available. Mr. Pelgrin believes that it is wisest in the long run to let your kids know that you will be monitoring their activities online. Just as with the topics of sex and drugs, your aim is not a one-time discussion, he said, but rather an ongoing dialogue.

Report any suspicious activity to your Internet Service Provider, your school, or if you suspect criminal activity, call your local police.

Here is the good news: A study commissioned by Cox Communications and the National Center for Exploited and Missing Children indicates that kids whose parents become more educated about how to minimize risks online and who discuss the issues together, are exhibiting safer behaviors online.

The resources available to help are vast. Here are a few sites that you may want to investigate, with your kids.

The website for Mr. Pelgrin's office is:

www.cscic.state.ny.us You may sign up for a monthly newsletter there. The January 2007 issue is devoted to strategies to deal with cyberbullying.

A checklist for computer protection is available at:

www.securityfocus.com/columnists/220

Sites especially for children and teens:

www.netsmartz.org

www.chatdanger.com

www.kidsmart.org.uk/yp

For parents:

www.safekids.com

www.safesurf.com

www.cybercitizenship.org

* The first line of the Star Spangled Banner